if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
