now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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