Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
