I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
