Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
