I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
