so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She's the barista slut.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
