For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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