I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
