we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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