Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
