My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
