It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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