Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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