Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
