I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
