I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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