Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
