Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
