Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
