He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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