So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
