I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
