you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
