I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
