Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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