I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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