how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
