sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
then he tried to convert me to islam
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
