I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
