I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
