Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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