so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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