According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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