allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
