the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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