apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
