my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
