guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
