Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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