Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
