Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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