I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
