I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
