Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
50% drunk capacity currently
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
