New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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