I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
