im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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