im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
