just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
