ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Welp...herpes.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
