Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
