Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
