Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
please come you make the beer taste better
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
