When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
