I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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